Confidence is a much misunderstood concept. A great number of people come to the clinic wanting to improve their confidence. However, an even greater number come for a problem which is (often) traced back to a lack of confidence.
A lack of confidence can underpin as broad a spectrum of problems such as fear of public speaking, sexual problems, perfectionism, procrastination, weight problems, body dysmorphia, sports performance anxiety, habits, addictions, relationship issues, social anxieties and so many more.
To so many people a lack of confidence means an inability to 'go for it!' As a Cognitive Hypnotherapist I would ask, "what's that about?" Allow me to offer the definition of a lack of confidence I work to:
The FEAR of the negative opinion and or judgement of others.
Let me make clear the difference between 'caring' what others think of us and 'fearing' what others think of us.
We will have all met people who do not care what others think of them. They're are generally folk we'd rather not be around.
The fear of others' opinions or judgment of us, however, can be an immensely stifling and powerful inhibitor and determinant of our behaviour.
My work with clients who present with a lack of confidence is not to get them to be able to dance on tables at parties, unless, of course, that's what they want to do. My goal is to get them to feel so good about themselves, so good and secure about who they are that they no longer fear negative judgement.
If you can have your work negatively criticised and not make it about you, where someone, a colleague or boss can say, you DID rubbish and you not immediately think I AM rubbish then you have confidence. Similarly, if someone criticises you and you can think; you are entitled to your opinion and yet you know deep down that you are strong, loved, loveable and that you are okay and that you will be okay then you have all the confidence you will ever need.
This is the point to which I work with my clients to get.
It is this definition of confidence that allows people to succeed, to move forward positively with their lives, to be better speakers, more engaging at dinner parties, go for promotion, lose weight, stop drinking and, yes, dance on tables!